You need to learn to be kind in a smart fashion. 

​ 

Once I was beautiful. Now, I am myself.

Hello all, 


I believe it is about time I write about the things I’ve learnt/am still learning that are proving to be more and more valuable after each passing day. Here’s one of the many lessons –


The foremost question you need to ask yourself is whether you are truly happy in your relationship/friendship or are you just compromising & pretending to be so only cause you are afraid to lose that tether in your life? 

 

I can speak with experience that, sometimes we simply remain in abusive relationships (both romantic & platonic) because we are TOO afraid to let go. This reason might sound like a cliché or an overused statement,  but it is the bottom line truth. We put up with the shit that people throw our way because we are raised to be kind to everyone – despite of their erratic behaviour towards us. There is nothing wrong with being kind, in fact, it is one of the important virtue we as a generation need to preserve as hatred is so prominent in our surroundings this moment. 

But, a thought is continually buzzing in my idea for a while now which I might as well acknowledge right away. 

NEWS FLASH: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE KIND TO THE PEOPLE WHO ABUSE YOU MENTALLY/PHYSICALLY /EMOTIONALLY/SEXUALLY.  ABUSE IS WRONG. BY BEING WITH AN ABUSER YOU ARE SIMPLY ENABLING THEM.


It took me 6 years to realize that the person I was so hopelessly in love with was abusing my emotions without any regret and I was blinded by my affection and passion towards him to leave. You know why that happened?  It happened because I thought I was being the kinder person in the relationship. I believed I must be the one to raise above the hate and forgive his mean remarks. Guess what though? Life doesn’t generally work that way. You can’t go on forgiving someone and taking them back as an act of  kindness. It will only destroy you. Yes, it is  harsh, but honest. 

You need to wake up from your dream and see the people in your life for who they actually are and what are they bringing into your life. If all they’re managing to squeeze through you are more tears than smile, more heartache than love,  more anxiety than peace, then you simply need to cut them off from your life, unapologetically. You are not a bad person if you worry about yourself. I believe that’s the most important part one has to realize.

You’re not going to be true to yourself if you choose to be kind to the people who are continually bringing out the worst in you.  This is the hardest yet  most valuable lesson I’ve come to learn lately. 

I advocate all the empathetic, kind and generous people employ boundaries in life to a certain degree to keep your well being in check. I really hate to say this, but it is sometimes the people we thought who could never do us a bad thing are actually the ones doing worse to us. Hence, keep your emotional boundaries in check. Do not allow anybody to exploit your kindness by manipulating you. One has to learn to be  kind in a  smart way.

We are okay by Nina LaCour – A scintillating read!

You go through life thinking there’s so much you need…

Until you leave with only your phone, your wallet, and a picture of your mother.
Marin hasn’t spoken to anyone from her old life since the day she left everything behind. No one knows the truth about those final weeks. Not even her best friend, Mabel. But even thousands of miles away from the California coast, at college in New York, Marin still feels the pull of the life and tragedy she’s tried to outrun. Now, months later, alone in an emptied dorm for winter break, Marin waits. Mabel is coming to visit, and Marin will be forced to face everything that’s been left unsaid and finally confront the loneliness that has made a home in her heart.

– Book Blurb taken from Goodreads

My Review: 

I was fishing out for a good book on Goodreads for quite some time, but whatever I found prior to We Are Okay was either too boring or uninspiring for my brain buds. I was almost dejected and resolved on taking a hiatus from reading and then voila! I found “We are Okay” by Nina LaCour 😀
Firstly, the main thing that seized my attention regarding this book was obviously its cover – so gorgeous!  And, it’s not just a pretty book I tell you, it has so much to offer to the readers in terms of content in easy and simple words that can be easily comprehended by anybody. The story is masterfully interwoven with poetic semblance and brilliant insight with regard to human reaction to loss and pain that you cannot help but applaud the author for her thoughts. This was my first from Nina LaCour, but decidedly not my last! I will definitely be looking for  more of what she has to offer ’cause boy is she a wordsmith and how! You just have to read it to believe it. 

When it came to the plot, it actually added up as a pleasant surprise to me when it started playing out as it did ’cause I absolutely didn’t expect of what the author really had in mind and where she was going with this novel. Hence, it was better than my expectations!  Both, Marin and Mabel will touch your heart within the short duration of time you are going to pass with them. They’re so adorable, like, genuinely. The character development is excellent and gripping which drives the total plot. 

All in all, it is a scintillating tale of Marin and Mabel as they both discern their opinions of life and loss. I hope you relish it as much as I did! 

I highly recommend to this book if you are going through a phase of pain and loss in life. 

🌹 Happy reading 🌹

Favorite quotations from the book- 

  • I must have shut grief out. Found it in books. Cried over fiction instead of the truth. The truth was unconfined, unadorned. There was no poetic language to it, no yellow butterflies, no epic floods. There wasn’t a town trapped underwater or generations of men with the same name destined to repeat the same mistakes. The truth was vast enough to drown in.- Nina LaCour
  • The most innocent things can call back the most terrible.
  • “I do not mean the difficulty. I do not mean the sex. I mean there are too many failings. Not enough hope. Everything is despair. Everything is suffering. What I mean is don’t be a person who seeks out grief. There is enough of that in life.” – Nina Lacour

Be firm; Say No to Toxicity 

When all you gave was love 
And all you received in return was indifference 
When your thoughts become foggy
And your judgment’s become cloudy
You wonder,
Though you know they’re toxic
And even so, you still run towards them like they’re your air, so essential and like a need so basic
It is time now, tune up your standards, girl
If the sole thing they’re bringing is disdain,
Hurl ’em out, girl
Open the screens on your eyes and lower that rose tinted glass,
You’ll find out for yourself that they’ve always been nothing, but only unworthy and crass.
And, finally the truth will set you free.
You’ll taste freedom, that’s your only key.