Equipped with patience and faith


In my pain, I have become more perspective of the life I am living. Until quite a few days ago, my life was in a rhythm. I used to wake up and do things I was doing for a long time – basically just dancing to the distortion. I felt that the life I was living was okay if not great.  Suddenly, after the break up, my life did a 180 and all my previous patterns of doing things, feeling things changed or I needed to change them in order to accommodate the place for a new me.
Earlier, my life was predictable and I was comfortable living it. Somehow, even the older pain was within my comfort zone. Now, it feels as though that I’ve been ripped from my comfort zone – my old thoughts, my old lifestyle, my old habits and my old self. I’m not going to lie here, it is difficult. Really difficult. To change patterns and habits of the past. To let go of a relationship – even though it was a painful one because I was accustomed to its familiarity. I knew what I could expect from him, it was mostly hurt but, still it was solid. 

But, is solid always good?  No, it is not. 

Do you think that just because you’re doing something from a really, really long time it becomes good?  It does not. 

I’m beginning to realize that patterns that have been formed from a long, long time need to be broken, no matter how painful it gets (ask me!)

In order to grow, you must break free from the familiar.Tread new waters. Experiment.Break old cycles. Say bye bye to things that no longer serve you. I think, this is the only way how you get to grow in life.

There will always be people who will support you through this phase. Your family is not going to abandon you. Your mom is your biggest cheerleader and with her by your side you’ll take over the world. I honestly don’t know if I could have dealt with this massive heartbreak without the support from my mom. One day, I’ll thank her by showing her how strong her daughter is. I won’t let her down.

Now, I am only fortified with patience and faith that, someday, somehow I’ll be a better me. 

It is a journey. I hope to reach my destination smiling, one day.

Learning daily by Overcoming small challenges 


I’ve always felt afraid to speak in front of a gathering. The fears like, what if I stumble or what if I forget my content on the stage frighten me to no end! 
I actually had to give a seminar demonstration today, for which I had been jittery the past week – losing sleep and all. I went bat shit crazy imagining me presenting before a large audience along with a couple of profs from my college. 
When my moment arrived to get on stage and speak, I had trained myself to be less nervous. I refrained myself from being overpowered by the quantity of gathering. The one thing that helped me stay put was that I told myself that I’m imperfect. I told myself that I’m flawed. I assured myself that, what anyone thought about me or my persona would just be an impression and not a fact. The trouble with me is that I take myself too seriously, which refrains me from living my life to the fullest.  
Several bits of advice that I’d like to give myself is:  What others perceive of me is not who I am and everyone cannot and shouldn’t be pleased, because it would leave me in despair in the long run. I am important and needed, even though sometimes I may not feel it. Lastly, I should not be disappointed if others have a laugh at my expense and I should learn to see the humour in myself. 
My presentation went alright and it has uplifted my confidence a tad bit more. After having a string of the gloomy days, today is proving to be a pleasant one so far. 
I hope we overcome small challenges daily to boost our confidence. We’re all worth it guys, we altogether are. Always carry your head high and don’t ever hesitate yourself from taking that leap of faith from time to time!  

Lost..

When will, ” I am not feeling okay in my mind.” will be considered as a legitimate excuse to take a leave? I am emotionally weighing down today because I don’t seem to be matching the pace of work at my university. I am feeling a little crushed under the weight of all the work I need to get done. Sometimes the professors at my university are not very considerate and I’m feeling a little afraid about their criticism on my work. What if it is not good enough? What if I don’t have it in me to make it good enough? 

Today, I’m not even sure if I’m on the right path. I have one more semester to go before I graduate. I don’t want to feel so dejected at the final step of completing my degree. But, at the same time, I am not able to do the assigned work due to my fear of failure and harsh criticism. I wish my professors understand as to what to expect from their students rather than harshly judging us.
#FeelingCompletelyLost

Schizophrenia 

Today it has been a rather sad sunday for me and I’ll tell you why.

My uncle that is my mother’s own brother suffers from schizophrenia and, it’s bad. He talks to himself, gets violent at times and cries to himself ,sometimes. He stays with us , my mom and my maternal grandmom take care of him.

 I’ve grown up with him , he was present when I was born and has stayed in my life ever since. Despite his illness he has always been an excellent human being . When he is not having anything majorly affecting him he is kind,sweet and always jovial which truly breaks my heart…why can’t there be a cure? 

Sadly, schizophrenia doesn’t have permanent cure; it’s only possible to regulate illness but no cure. My mom and my grandmother never fail to give him his medications from time to time. We all take care of him in the best way possible 

So today he suffered from low blood pressure this afternoon where he was unable to comprehend and reach out for help. He was sleeping and we thought that he was taking a nap then my grandmother noticed blood trickling from his lips as he had unconsciously  bit his tongue while he was asleep and then we rushed to him. We gave him salt to raise the blood pressure , after some time he regained consciousness ,had his dinner and is sleeping downstairs now.

Readers it absolutely broke my heart to see him in thst helpless state..I cursed as to why can’t they invent something to cure it. I know research is going on to find a cure but still it’s very hard to be in my uncle’s position and imagine life.

He is scared of imaginary people hurting him, sometimes he talks irrelevantly and it’s so difficult to see him go through this chaos in his mind. But I’ve heard the tablets ease all the commotion in the brain for a bit I hope it helps him ….

Me and my family do everything that we can to make his journey  easier if not disesse-free. 

I hope his mind doesn’t get too cruel and pull all the weird tricks on him. He needs to rest.

Affectionatelyours 💔