Overcoming obsessive thoughts and moving on


I woke up in the morning and honestly I wasn’t feeling so great. 😡 Then I immediately switched to YouTube and saw a couple of videos over there about how to overcome a nagging feeling you have at the back of your mind about someone you’ve lost – in terms of relationship or death. 


What I’ve learnt from watching different videos and summed up is that when we lose someone we also lose the connection, attachment, warmth and love we’ve associated with that person. So, after that loss occurs our brain enters into a loop where we have these constant thoughts/obsession with respect to that person. It is like our brain is repeatedly making us realise about our loss. We become hyper aware of everything that’s happening to that person. Forming our own theories about their life and dwelling on it. Although it is exhausting, it is quite a natural response to a loss and it is a form of trauma called as intrusion – where we feel like we are constantly preoccupied by the thoughts of that person. It is natural and can be overcome. From today, I am going to try and beat those obsessive thoughts and I’ll explain how – 

  • When you wake up in the morning the thoughts are more persistent and the loss seems more greater.Allow yourself to take some time and recognize that it is a part of how you feel. As the day escalates, you’ll start getting more perspective and don’t feel as incredibly sad.
  • Everytime you feel like making assumptions about that person and their emotions, just ask yourself – is what I’m assuming  100% right? Afterall they’re just assumptions. 
  • Everytime you have a thought about that person try to think about something else! Silly even, I know it is extremely hard to NOT THINK ABOUT THEM but you gotta break the pattern over and over again.
  • You will feel longing for that person and start thinking about all those good memories you had together etc and desire to reconnect. DON’T. JUST DON’T. Because no matter how good the relationship /friendship was if you are at this phase in your life because of it then it wasn’t the right relationship for both of you. 
  • Don’t go back to someone who once broke you. Your illusion will trick you into believing that they might not be so bad afterall. But, it is an illusion. You don’t have to back to someone who didn’t see your value or respected you.
  • There might be strong urges to check up on them and their life, through online stalking or scooping information from friends. Don’t. That’s not good for you, and during healing your primary intention is to do things that are good for you. Take the right decisions not the appealing ones.
  • Whoever they end up with, do not compare yourself to them because that’s just super, super unfair because duh!  You have certain qualities that others can never have! 
  • I also read somewhere that to overcome pain you need to find something thats bigger than you. To me, I’ll take to writing. I’ll write about my journey and my experiences through this phase and share it with the world. Discuss it and overcome it one day at a time.


These are couple of my techniques Im gonna try and help myself with. Do you have more?  How had you dealt with having obsessive thoughts regarding someone / situation?  Please feel free to comment or write me on mail – anaida39@gmail.com
Thank you! 

Narcissist Abuse: My journey to achieve healing and closure

I never imagined that I would be the one someday who would write a post on narcissist abuse. Reading posts about it on various platforms and empathizing with other survivors; reading about their trial and tribulations, it never occurred to me that I was an active victim of the evil narcissist abuse from 6 years until yesterday.

I was in love with a narcissist. Madly, truly, deeply or you can say foolishly, desperately and in a mentally wrecked kind of a way.

Where should I even begin to describe my despair? I can remember it from as long as I turned 16-17. I had an insane crush on him, he picked up on that and then began my journey of 6 years of emotional trauma. Initially, I never came to realize it, because I had my rose tinted glasses on, due to which I completely overlooked his obvious mistakes.

To him, my pain didn’t matter. My health didn’t matter. My state of mind did not matter. My feelings were not validated and blatantly ignored. Now, when I think of it, he was never around when I needed someone to talk to – he always had the classic narcissist excuse such as – I had a shitty week.I had a bad day at work. I was manipulated into believing that somehow his life and his problems were more important, credible and needed more attention than mine. I provided him that constant narcissist supply of affection and care that he craved for. Later, he wanted more of that and I was beginning to be exhausted which led to lots of arguments and fights and numerous breakups. I tried a lot to leave him FOR GOOD. Every time I made a move to move on, he was back again, with innocent text messages of how much he missed and adored me. I foolishly bought that bullshit because I thought I could help him and heal him. He always played the sick card, the victim card to allure me. He wove stories about how the world had wronged him and I was there trying to right all the wrongs, but as goes with any narcissist relationship, my empathy was futile. A narcissist’s need for love is insatiable and they always portray themselves as the weak one, the abused and they will never realize that it is actually the other way round.

He hid things from me and portrayed that I was incapable of handling that particular news at the moment. He made it appear as though that it was my fault that he had to hide important information from me. He never apologized, ever. He just brushed it off like it was nothing. I was angry, exhausted and my self-worth was already diminishing, thus the time came around where I had to stand up for myself. The time is now.

I never assumed him to be narcissist until yesterday where I accidently read a post on “narcissist abuse survivors” and he was the textbook definition of a covert narcissist and now I am attempting to heal this trauma by sharing my experience.

It is not easy. Definitely, not how you heal from a normal break-up. In a narcissist relationship, you are in love with an illusion and a projection of the person, not the real one. There is no sense of reality in such a relationship, the only real thing going on there is ABUSE AND NOTHING ELSE. They manipulate your trust, your kindness, and your love to get their fix. It feels as though you are pouring your love into a seemingly bottomless tumbler. It will never be enough. To them, you will never be enough.

I am having really rough phase right now due to all the anxiety, remorse, betrayal because he was my first true love. I adored him. I wanted him to be better. I wanted us to be happy. It is devastating to learn some truths in life. Hopefully, I will learn from this experience and take back an important lesson for my future self.

Until then, I’ve got lots of healing to do and probably write more posts on this issue and my experience with it.

 

Cold things can burn too.

She’s hopelessly in love with him. Oh no. She’s in love with the ‘idea’ of him. A fantasy of him. A thin wall of ice stands between her imaginary form of him and the real him. It seems like that particular thin wall of ice – gleaming like an exquisite glass artwork, is easy to break. But, whenever she tries to demolish the wall in order to seek what’s beyond, the ice burns her fingertips. Surely, the property of ice is not to cause blisters, right? 
Then, why my friend is that in life sometimes the ‘cold hearts’ usually set a person’s hand on fire who attempts to contact it?
Cold things instill burns with a different kind of fervour. The kind with which even the sun cannot compete.

Lost..

When will, ” I am not feeling okay in my mind.” will be considered as a legitimate excuse to take a leave? I am emotionally weighing down today because I don’t seem to be matching the pace of work at my university. I am feeling a little crushed under the weight of all the work I need to get done. Sometimes the professors at my university are not very considerate and I’m feeling a little afraid about their criticism on my work. What if it is not good enough? What if I don’t have it in me to make it good enough? 

Today, I’m not even sure if I’m on the right path. I have one more semester to go before I graduate. I don’t want to feel so dejected at the final step of completing my degree. But, at the same time, I am not able to do the assigned work due to my fear of failure and harsh criticism. I wish my professors understand as to what to expect from their students rather than harshly judging us.
#FeelingCompletelyLost

Are we evolved ?

I lost my young auntie yesterday. It made me realize how fragile and unpredictable life is. We are only puppets at the hands of destiny. We can’t stop a person from going no matter how hard we try and no matter how much the medicine field advances. I feel so powerless and helpless. Attachments always hurt so much. 

The road is tough, why can’t we all be nice to each other?  Everyone – every single person born on the face of the earth suffers. How much more evolution do we need to understand that kindness is as important as breathing?  We hurt each other even though we know how much it tears a person apart. We plot revenge, lovers cheat and parents abandon their children,  war kills families, mental health problems are frighteningly increasing and yet we are here still doing all those things. 

Is this kind of civilization worth anything? Until we understand that we all need to stick for each other despite religion, race and financial conditions all the knowledge in the world would be worthless. 

| Let us pledge to be more empathetic as a community. Let us pledge to put our education to some good use. Let us unite in our struggle. Let our suffering bind us till death. Finally, let us help another and be helped in return. We don’t need pity. We need empathy |

Facebook Free. 

​Facebook: A place to connect with old and new pals, helps users in  keeping up with their friends along with a couple of relatives and sharing bits of personal life as well. 
.

Unfortunately, I am not keen anymore in doing any of the following. I had created my account in 2011 when I was in high school, naturally like any average teenage girl I was Lowkey obsessed with the application. I was charmed with all the friend requests  – especially from potential crushes (LOL!). I wanted to  upload a really cute profile picture with a witty caption to impress God knows who – maybe my fellow Facebookers, who actually don’t give a damn (at least not 30 seconds after viewing anybody’s picture). And, I don’t reckon I need to keep up with my friends in terms of where and when they’re checking in and checking out every hour. I mean, I know where my actual friends are and what they’re doing so basically that feature became pretty pointless to me because through Facebook I was keeping up with stranger’s life as well which was an… ridiculous. I didn’t even know them and I couldn’t for the life of me think of how we ended up being the so called ‘friends’. 
Facebook basically gives you access to anybody’s life – at least to some extent you can know how the other person is doing by looking at their profile. So, it is nearly impossible to not know how your ex boyfriend or the mean ex friend is managing. I recognize, self control is important to not browse through people’s profile, but Facebook makes it really easy to access anybody’s profile that it becomes hard to resist. It is really a very powerful trigger of anxiety, it literally beckons you to be on your toes to find out stuff you absolutely have no need to know. Sometimes, not knowing is fantastic. 
I was actually spending a good deal of time on Facebook which means I was spending a lot of my precious time in other people’s lives. It almost became suffocating watching how people can forge a perfect life just to appear cooler. I didn’t want to be a part of that community any longer. I finally had enough of it. 
That’s why, I made a decision to delete my Facebook account for good. Of course Facebook isn’t letting me go easily because it keeps reminding me that I can retrieve my account in 14 days. Only, I’ve resolved to delete all kinds of social media except Twitter and Snapchat – I don’t use them much and don’t spend as much time on them as I did with Facebook. 
I am excited to look forward to a life where I’m not bound by Facebook or Instagram. 😁

Have you made any changes in the patterns of using social media for better? Have you stopped using these platforms?  How has it benefitted you ? I’d love to know. 😊😊

To the self-appointed moral police

Image result for unapologetic woman

Beforehand writing this piece I want to say that I’m miffed and infuriated how our society works. I distinguish that I’m a part of this society too and to some extent, I’m the problem too .From this moment on I want to change in what way my natural thinking works and be a little more conscious towards the judgments I pass on people unknowingly/grudgingly/due to being jealous.  When we pass judgments we are completely unaware of the effect we have on the being we target, we are being self-centred in doing so and it is not fair to anyone. It is a natural urge to criticize yet we cannot handle the criticisms which are intended to us and that’s why it is unfair to let someone go through what we cannot bear.  Recently I had my real close friend (a guy) Text me that he saw a few people on the road looking at me while he was just passing to go somewhere, I was inquisitive and requested him what did he intend on telling me -he told me that whenever people look at me or talk to me it is scarcely ever because I’m smart or good-looking but because I have a “voluminous” body! THE NERVE OF HIM! I asked him what actually made him draw such assumptions in the first place, for which he voiced me that I have “bigger assets” compared to other girls and that is what makes other people absorbed “to look at me” and that is the reason men “admire and give me attention”  . Oh my goodness, how sick can this fellow get? Being a “good friend” doesn’t he think how telling me those things could just make my confidence hit a ground zero? He went on to suggest how I must change the way I dress in a more “conservative way” where I “hide” my ample assets. HUH. JUST TO BE MORE FITTING IT SEEMS!!! That night, I instantly summon up all the interactions I have had with men and couldn’t help myself but think, what if he is correct. I spent the whole evening thinking about how people perceive me and my body and if my assets were the only interesting aspect about me. It made me incredibly sad, made me question my worth. That was thoroughly horrifying. The next day I woke up and realised a lot of things. First thing, he was not a good friend. Second, what others supposed or didn’t think of me was none of my business. Third, I didn’t have to fucking change the manner I dressed.  When it comes to women I see a lot of men become self-appointed moral police trying to “protect” us by setting rules, telling us a dude’s perception on how they are waiting to devour our body at any minute. Seriously to all these kind of men who think they are only protecting women, we do have our womanly instincts to sense danger and keep away from it. Y’all do not have to instruct us on changing our lifestyle so that we can be more suitable. If whatever you should edify other men about how they possibly treat womankind.  To the overall women out there just be yourself-dress as you like, eat what makes you happy, have opinions even though others might not stay  in agreement with you, go out with your friends, take pictures. As long as you are not putting yourself in potential danger, live your life on your own terms even if people try to tell you otherwise!