I didn’t know that the pain of this intensity even existed, until you happened
I didn’t know that sometimes a simple act sleeping peacefully could be such a task, until you happened
I didn’t know that sometimes, I was more afraid of myself than anyone else, until you happened
I didn’t know that sometimes all the easy things would be a chore that is until you happened
You reduced your best friend/confidant/supporter to mere acts of pleasure
Left without with providing a closure
Can you sleep knowing you just murdered someone emotionally?
You used your words to cut me precisely and oh so brutally
Just remember guilt is a slow poison
When it will come to you, there isn’t nothing beautiful about that sensation
At least I’m broken and can be fixed
What about you?
All you’ll ever be is a living dead
If you have read my last post, you know that I have just ended my very long emotionally abusive relationship. Today, I learned that the guy I was in a relationship and his parents have arranged his marriage to someone else. Just because I ended that relationship doesn’t mean that I can suddenly switch off all my emotions that I had felt for him. I am devastated and my anxiety has its roof, yet I want to write this blog post you will know why shortly.
I have caved in for a long time. I am tired of being weak. I am tired of letting his actions control me. I want to change my thought process and my style of living. I want to be a better person, a stronger, a more mature and one who has more tolerance to pain. I simply cannot live my life if I keep thinking about him, his marriage, his wife, his parents and his life.
This life is supposed to be about me, right? It is supposed to be about my career, my love interest, my parents and my health. I have wasted so much of my time on this guy’s life that I had started believing that somehow his actions controlled my peace of mind. I want to be my own person. I want to have my own dreams, my goals and think about any guy I am going to meet in future.
So, from today I am going to begin my own healing process. I am not in a state of mind to do anything right now but weep and weep, but I will not allow myself to do that. Did that enough already. So bloggers, cheer for your friend, I need all the support in the world right now! Writing this not easy but I am trying, really hard.
My motto for this week is – I AM IMPORTANT.
MY FEELINGS ARE IMPORTANT.
I WILL NOT LET OTHERS CONTROL MY PEACE OF MIND.
I will keep you updated about my healing daily. Hopefully, I can achieve healing with the support my family and you people after gaining a bit of perspective. Wish me luck!
THIS GIRL IS ABOUT TO CHANGE HER LIFE.
If you pause and observe a little, then you can see how many different sets of opinions people have framed about you over time. It is almost baffling how contradicting those opinions can be. Some may think that you’re such a crazy and cold hearted bitch while others may view you as a meek mouse who can’t do a thing on your own! How insane is that, anyway? Perhaps it is because we leave different impressions on different people when we meet them which leads them to make an opinion of us which is natural.
In a world where so many people are trying to tell you who you are and what abilities you possess and each of the opinion being polar opposite to the other, tell me which one are you going to use to define yourself? The one your friend told you in the party other day or the one your family members kept telling while you were busy taking that penultimate selfie at your cousin’s wedding?!
Suddenly you sense yourself to be discombobulated and overwhelmed by all these definitions people have made about you and then begins the identity crisis – WHO THE HELL I’M I?
The answer is: You’re everything who is capable of doing anything.
That my friend is the only truth you need to know while they attempt to feed your system with shit. Definitions are limiting and hence are the labels. Who says you can’t do anything you’ve put your mind to? Which force in the universe is stronger than your determination? There’s no such force which can trump the determination and dedication of a soul.
So please stop letting them have a say in who you are, as it is most definitely not their job or their place, it is YOURS. Please stop accepting everything they throw your way so easily – it is not a fact, just another perception that is all. You are a part of this vast universe with infinite possibilities to be whoever you want to be at whatever point of your life. Recognize that power within you and let no one trick you into believing that you can’t do something.
Lately I’ve been writing a lot and sharing a lot of my thoughts with the internet as well. It is because I’m trying to channel my emotions and energies into something fruitful so that anybody who’s fighting the same battles as me doesn’t feel alone. Let us restore hope.
We’re in this together, people! 💖