Overcoming obsessive thoughts and moving on


I woke up in the morning and honestly I wasn’t feeling so great. 😡 Then I immediately switched to YouTube and saw a couple of videos over there about how to overcome a nagging feeling you have at the back of your mind about someone you’ve lost – in terms of relationship or death. 


What I’ve learnt from watching different videos and summed up is that when we lose someone we also lose the connection, attachment, warmth and love we’ve associated with that person. So, after that loss occurs our brain enters into a loop where we have these constant thoughts/obsession with respect to that person. It is like our brain is repeatedly making us realise about our loss. We become hyper aware of everything that’s happening to that person. Forming our own theories about their life and dwelling on it. Although it is exhausting, it is quite a natural response to a loss and it is a form of trauma called as intrusion – where we feel like we are constantly preoccupied by the thoughts of that person. It is natural and can be overcome. From today, I am going to try and beat those obsessive thoughts and I’ll explain how – 

  • When you wake up in the morning the thoughts are more persistent and the loss seems more greater.Allow yourself to take some time and recognize that it is a part of how you feel. As the day escalates, you’ll start getting more perspective and don’t feel as incredibly sad.
  • Everytime you feel like making assumptions about that person and their emotions, just ask yourself – is what I’m assuming  100% right? Afterall they’re just assumptions. 
  • Everytime you have a thought about that person try to think about something else! Silly even, I know it is extremely hard to NOT THINK ABOUT THEM but you gotta break the pattern over and over again.
  • You will feel longing for that person and start thinking about all those good memories you had together etc and desire to reconnect. DON’T. JUST DON’T. Because no matter how good the relationship /friendship was if you are at this phase in your life because of it then it wasn’t the right relationship for both of you. 
  • Don’t go back to someone who once broke you. Your illusion will trick you into believing that they might not be so bad afterall. But, it is an illusion. You don’t have to back to someone who didn’t see your value or respected you.
  • There might be strong urges to check up on them and their life, through online stalking or scooping information from friends. Don’t. That’s not good for you, and during healing your primary intention is to do things that are good for you. Take the right decisions not the appealing ones.
  • Whoever they end up with, do not compare yourself to them because that’s just super, super unfair because duh!  You have certain qualities that others can never have! 
  • I also read somewhere that to overcome pain you need to find something thats bigger than you. To me, I’ll take to writing. I’ll write about my journey and my experiences through this phase and share it with the world. Discuss it and overcome it one day at a time.


These are couple of my techniques Im gonna try and help myself with. Do you have more?  How had you dealt with having obsessive thoughts regarding someone / situation?  Please feel free to comment or write me on mail – anaida39@gmail.com
Thank you! 

Equipped with patience and faith


In my pain, I have become more perspective of the life I am living. Until quite a few days ago, my life was in a rhythm. I used to wake up and do things I was doing for a long time – basically just dancing to the distortion. I felt that the life I was living was okay if not great.  Suddenly, after the break up, my life did a 180 and all my previous patterns of doing things, feeling things changed or I needed to change them in order to accommodate the place for a new me.
Earlier, my life was predictable and I was comfortable living it. Somehow, even the older pain was within my comfort zone. Now, it feels as though that I’ve been ripped from my comfort zone – my old thoughts, my old lifestyle, my old habits and my old self. I’m not going to lie here, it is difficult. Really difficult. To change patterns and habits of the past. To let go of a relationship – even though it was a painful one because I was accustomed to its familiarity. I knew what I could expect from him, it was mostly hurt but, still it was solid. 

But, is solid always good?  No, it is not. 

Do you think that just because you’re doing something from a really, really long time it becomes good?  It does not. 

I’m beginning to realize that patterns that have been formed from a long, long time need to be broken, no matter how painful it gets (ask me!)

In order to grow, you must break free from the familiar.Tread new waters. Experiment.Break old cycles. Say bye bye to things that no longer serve you. I think, this is the only way how you get to grow in life.

There will always be people who will support you through this phase. Your family is not going to abandon you. Your mom is your biggest cheerleader and with her by your side you’ll take over the world. I honestly don’t know if I could have dealt with this massive heartbreak without the support from my mom. One day, I’ll thank her by showing her how strong her daughter is. I won’t let her down.

Now, I am only fortified with patience and faith that, someday, somehow I’ll be a better me. 

It is a journey. I hope to reach my destination smiling, one day.

HEALING BY GAINING PERSPECTIVE – FEEL FREE TO CHEER ME ON!

If you have read my last post, you know that I have just ended my very long emotionally abusive relationship. Today, I learned that the guy I was in a relationship and his parents have arranged his marriage to someone else. Just because I ended that relationship doesn’t mean that I can suddenly switch off all my emotions that I had felt for him. I am devastated and my anxiety has its roof, yet I want to write this blog post you will know why shortly.

I have caved in for a long time. I am tired of being weak. I am tired of letting his actions control me. I want to change my thought process and my style of living. I want to be a better person, a stronger, a more mature and one who has more tolerance to pain. I simply cannot live my life if I keep thinking about him, his marriage, his wife, his parents and his life.

This life is supposed to be about me, right? It is supposed to be about my career, my love interest, my parents and my health. I have wasted so much of my time on this guy’s life that I had started believing that somehow his actions controlled my peace of mind. I want to be my own person. I want to have my own dreams, my goals and think about any guy I am going to meet in future.

So, from today I am going to begin my own healing process. I am not in a state of mind to do anything right now but weep and weep, but I will not allow myself to do that. Did that enough already. So bloggers, cheer for your friend, I need all the support in the world right now! Writing this not easy but I am trying, really hard.

My motto for this week is – I AM IMPORTANT.

MY FEELINGS ARE IMPORTANT.

I WILL NOT LET OTHERS CONTROL MY PEACE OF MIND.

 

I will keep you updated about my healing daily. Hopefully, I can achieve healing with the support my family and you people after gaining a bit of perspective. Wish me luck!

THIS GIRL IS ABOUT TO CHANGE HER LIFE.

In Sync.

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At the moment I am writing my bit on “being in sync with oneself” and trust me there is no other person right now who can do justice to this subject other than me (hypothetically, of course!)

For that reason, what makes me the best person to preach this right now? The reply is quite unassuming, I was on one occasion truly out of sync with myself. I remained all over the place in regard to my emotions, mental steadiness, and complete wellbeing. I was very much involved in other people’s stories about their business. I liked was fanatical for knowing everything that was going on with everyone. Where did that leave me in my own life? Nowhere.

My own depth implored me to just literally be done with this fixation of comparing my life with that of others. I stood tired of all the synthetic emotions and smiles people were portraying just to “seem okay” or prove that they were in a “better place” as compared to the rest. When in certainty their life was equally or more difficult than what they would like to confess. I started having a repugnance to the behaviour of these people and the like, I contemplated with myself that this is not something that I desire and definitely not what I aspire to become. Gradually, as the awareness began to set in I removed myself from everything that bound me to shackles which I had created for myself over time.

Now, gently I am concentrating on my life, discerning about myself principally and not about others achievements or failures. I feel at peace. It is a good sentiment to be the crucial character in your own story. Nobody has done “life” earlier, it is the first chance we have got to attempt it. Nobody is prepared for life; everyone is just taking a chance to see how things roll. If things are acceptable, then score 1 for ya! Or else fret not, attempt life again with a different approach. Because that is the only way. None of us has the foggiest on how to do the “right thing at the right time!  We are all fortified with nothing but only our own experiences to guide us through life.

WHEN YOU ARE ATTEMPTING THE EXAM OF LIFE PLEASE KNOW THAT LEARNING FROM THE BOOK OF EXPERIENCES IS GOING TO FETCH YOU MAXIMUM MARKS.

I would also highlight additional matter while I am at it, that it is so much easier to fall back into the old patterns you have created for yourself in the course of time but please know that where that old pattern of doing things has gotten you. Change is tough, sometimes accompanied by withdrawal symptoms as well. But, please do experiment with your life, adopt new and better habits and develop the willpower and courage to say goodbye to the people and surroundings that make you weak with no regrets!