Until you happenedΒ 

​I didn’t know that the pain of this intensity even existed, until you happened 
I didn’t know that sometimes a simple act sleeping peacefully could be such a task, until you happened 
I didn’t know that sometimes, I was more afraid of myself than anyone else, until you happened 
I didn’t know that sometimes all the easy things would be a chore that is until you happened 
You reduced your best friend/confidant/supporter to mere acts of pleasure 
Left without with providing a closure 
Can you sleep knowing you just murdered someone emotionally? 
You used your words to cut me precisely and oh so brutally 
Just remember guilt is a slow poison 
When it will come to you, there isn’t nothing beautiful about that sensation 
At least I’m broken and can be fixed
What about you? 
All you’ll ever be is a living dead

Overcoming obsessive thoughts and moving on

I woke up in the morning and honestly I wasn’t feeling so great. 😑 Then I immediately switched to YouTube and saw a couple of videos over there about how to overcome a nagging feeling you have at the back of your mind about someone you’ve lost – in terms of relationship or death. 

What I’ve learnt from watching different videos and summed up is that when we lose someone we also lose the connection, attachment, warmth and love we’ve associated with that person. So, after that loss occurs our brain enters into a loop where we have these constant thoughts/obsession with respect to that person. It is like our brain is repeatedly making us realise about our loss. We become hyper aware of everything that’s happening to that person. Forming our own theories about their life and dwelling on it. Although it is exhausting, it is quite a natural response to a loss and it is a form of trauma called as intrusion – where we feel like we are constantly preoccupied by the thoughts of that person. It is natural and can be overcome. From today, I am going to try and beat those obsessive thoughts and I’ll explain how – 

  • When you wake up in the morning the thoughts are more persistent and the loss seems more greater.Allow yourself to take some time and recognize that it is a part of how you feel. As the day escalates, you’ll start getting more perspective and don’t feel as incredibly sad.
  • Everytime you feel like making assumptions about that person and their emotions, just ask yourself – is what I’m assuming  100% right? Afterall they’re just assumptions. 
  • Everytime you have a thought about that person try to think about something else! Silly even, I know it is extremely hard to NOT THINK ABOUT THEM but you gotta break the pattern over and over again.
  • You will feel longing for that person and start thinking about all those good memories you had together etc and desire to reconnect. DON’T. JUST DON’T. Because no matter how good the relationship /friendship was if you are at this phase in your life because of it then it wasn’t the right relationship for both of you. 
  • Don’t go back to someone who once broke you. Your illusion will trick you into believing that they might not be so bad afterall. But, it is an illusion. You don’t have to back to someone who didn’t see your value or respected you.
  • There might be strong urges to check up on them and their life, through online stalking or scooping information from friends. Don’t. That’s not good for you, and during healing your primary intention is to do things that are good for you. Take the right decisions not the appealing ones.
  • Whoever they end up with, do not compare yourself to them because that’s just super, super unfair because duh!  You have certain qualities that others can never have! 
  • I also read somewhere that to overcome pain you need to find something thats bigger than you. To me, I’ll take to writing. I’ll write about my journey and my experiences through this phase and share it with the world. Discuss it and overcome it one day at a time.

These are couple of my techniques Im gonna try and help myself with. Do you have more?  How had you dealt with having obsessive thoughts regarding someone / situation?  Please feel free to comment or write me on mail – anaida39@gmail.com
Thank you! 

Equipped with patience and faith

In my pain, I have become more perspective of the life I am living. Until quite a few days ago, my life was in a rhythm. I used to wake up and do things I was doing for a long time – basically just dancing to the distortion. I felt that the life I was living was okay if not great.  Suddenly, after the break up, my life did a 180 and all my previous patterns of doing things, feeling things changed or I needed to change them in order to accommodate the place for a new me.
Earlier, my life was predictable and I was comfortable living it. Somehow, even the older pain was within my comfort zone. Now, it feels as though that I’ve been ripped from my comfort zone – my old thoughts, my old lifestyle, my old habits and my old self. I’m not going to lie here, it is difficult. Really difficult. To change patterns and habits of the past. To let go of a relationship – even though it was a painful one because I was accustomed to its familiarity. I knew what I could expect from him, it was mostly hurt but, still it was solid. 

But, is solid always good?  No, it is not. 

Do you think that just because you’re doing something from a really, really long time it becomes good?  It does not. 

I’m beginning to realize that patterns that have been formed from a long, long time need to be broken, no matter how painful it gets (ask me!)

In order to grow, you must break free from the familiar.Tread new waters. Experiment.Break old cycles. Say bye bye to things that no longer serve you. I think, this is the only way how you get to grow in life.

There will always be people who will support you through this phase. Your family is not going to abandon you. Your mom is your biggest cheerleader and with her by your side you’ll take over the world. I honestly don’t know if I could have dealt with this massive heartbreak without the support from my mom. One day, I’ll thank her by showing her how strong her daughter is. I won’t let her down.

Now, I am only fortified with patience and faith that, someday, somehow I’ll be a better me. 

It is a journey. I hope to reach my destination smiling, one day.

Asking for help is not weakness.Β 

​Why asking for genuine help during a crisis makes us so uneasy?  Isn’t the very intention of mankind and brotherhood is to help and be aided in turn? 
We suffer a deep instilled  mindset right from our birth that asking for help is a sign of weakness. We try to camouflage all the flaws and problems we’re going through just to appear more likeable, acceptable in the eyes of social club. Seemingly, it puts a lot of pressure on the individual to “pretend to be okay” when he/she is clearly not feeling it. 
The fear of being judged & ridiculed makes one go a great length to put up a show of “I’m so fine”, “I’m so happy”  or “I’m so yay but I clearly feel nay” . 
The biggest luxury you can bid to someone is to just let themselves be their own self without making them feel to act a certain way to be “liked” or “accepted”  by you.  
Abiding by the same line of thought I’d also like to make one thing crystal is that asking for help is not being WEAK. When things become overwhelming, it’s fine to say  ” I’m tired”. 
It’s okay to call up your friend/ family and tell them that you’re not fine. That you need some replenishing and soothing words just to operate.  Some days to endure the survival.
Everyone has their threshold to deal with routine problems. Don’t laugh at anyone for having “such a silly problem”.  If you can please assist them or else recommend someone else who will.
Be the sort of person you would like to meet. Be the sort of friend you’d like to have. Be there for your people. 
 That’s about all it is.  πŸ™Œ

To the self-appointed moral police

Image result for unapologetic woman

Beforehand writing this piece I want to say that I’m miffed and infuriated how our society works. I distinguish that I’m a part of this society too and to some extent, I’m the problem too .From this moment on I want to change in what way my natural thinking works and be a little more conscious towards the judgments I pass on people unknowingly/grudgingly/due to being jealous.  When we pass judgments we are completely unaware of the effect we have on the being we target, we are being self-centred in doing so and it is not fair to anyone. It is a natural urge to criticize yet we cannot handle the criticisms which are intended to us and that’s why it is unfair to let someone go through what we cannot bear.  Recently I had my real close friend (a guy) Text me that he saw a few people on the road looking at me while he was just passing to go somewhere, I was inquisitive and requested him what did he intend on telling me -he told me that whenever people look at me or talk to me it is scarcely ever because I’m smart or good-looking but because I have a “voluminous” body! THE NERVE OF HIM! I asked him what actually made him draw such assumptions in the first place, for which he voiced me that I have “bigger assets” compared to other girls and that is what makes other people absorbed “to look at me” and that is the reason men “admire and give me attention”  . Oh my goodness, how sick can this fellow get? Being a “good friend” doesn’t he think how telling me those things could just make my confidence hit a ground zero? He went on to suggest how I must change the way I dress in a more “conservative way” where I “hide” my ample assets. HUH. JUST TO BE MORE FITTING IT SEEMS!!! That night, I instantly summon up all the interactions I have had with men and couldn’t help myself but think, what if he is correct. I spent the whole evening thinking about how people perceive me and my body and if my assets were the only interesting aspect about me. It made me incredibly sad, made me question my worth. That was thoroughly horrifying. The next day I woke up and realised a lot of things. First thing, he was not a good friend. Second, what others supposed or didn’t think of me was none of my business. Third, I didn’t have to fucking change the manner I dressed.  When it comes to women I see a lot of men become self-appointed moral police trying to “protect” us by setting rules, telling us a dude’s perception on how they are waiting to devour our body at any minute. Seriously to all these kind of men who think they are only protecting women, we do have our womanly instincts to sense danger and keep away from it. Y’all do not have to instruct us on changing our lifestyle so that we can be more suitable. If whatever you should edify other men about how they possibly treat womankind.  To the overall women out there just be yourself-dress as you like, eat what makes you happy, have opinions even though others might not stay  in agreement with you, go out with your friends, take pictures. As long as you are not putting yourself in potential danger, live your life on your own terms even if people try to tell you otherwise!

Sense of Individuality

It is quite strange that I’m writing about this issue today because up until now I thought it was alright.  But now when I think of it, it is crippling.  

So I am an only child to my parents so naturally I’m the person they’ve been focused on 100 percent day and night.  I’m thankful and eternally in debted to the love and care I’ve received from them.  

I care about my mother and she is my  ultimate critic because I know whatever she does or say is in my best favour. But these days I’m just wondering I’m I her clone..? I want to please her, I want to make her proud.  She doesn’t demand it but I crave for validation and, I’m thinking in the process have I have  lost my sense of individuality?  Who am I?  is the one question that haunts me.  I’m i just a person my mother wanted me to be?  

What do i want to be?  What actually makes me happy? What are my opinions?  What are the exclusive things I do for me?  The answer is very few. 

In order to please someone I always try to figure out the personality of the person I’m dealing with and mould myself temporarily in order to be  likeable.  Why do I crave for validation so much?  Why is it so important to me to be Accepted?  

I’ve been bred fine, no childhood trauma or abusive parents.  In fact parents were very protective. 

Has it made me to lose some of my originality? And is the deep rooted desire to feel precious and important rooted because of the pampering? 

I’m yet to find out.  

Sorry for being so me me me in this post but I had to just get it out! 


Looking for study tipsΒ 

Hi darlin’ people of WordPress *^▁^*

So you have to know one thing before you proceed any further on reading this post 😴
*I desperately need to study * 


So I have this test from the 8th of september and mind you I haven’t felt like reading a damn thing . I have been surfing the internet lacking the motivation to even plan for the tests because it is the weekend ,plus there is a major indian festival of Ganesh Chaturthi on account of which Ive gotten a lot of holidays , so Im de-motivated to engage in the studying activities 😡😹

BUT I need to do something about it because , duh studies!!!  
I’m in this holiday mood and have been this mood for far too long now.


So any tips on how I  could stop procrastinating and get my lazy ass to study?  
Any help would be highly appreciated ! Especially my Indian friends because they know what I’m talking about as this is the season of back to back festivals !!!