I believe it is about time I write about the things I’ve learnt/am still learning that are proving to be more and more valuable after each passing day. Here’s one of the many lessons –
The foremost question you need to ask yourself is whether you are truly happy in your relationship/friendship or are you just compromising & pretending to be so only cause you are afraid to lose that tether in your life?
I can speak with experience that, sometimes we simply remain in abusive relationships (both romantic & platonic) because we are TOO afraid to let go. This reason might sound like a cliché or an overused statement, but it is the bottom line truth. We put up with the shit that people throw our way because we are raised to be kind to everyone – despite of their erratic behaviour towards us. There is nothing wrong with being kind, in fact, it is one of the important virtue we as a generation need to preserve as hatred is so prominent in our surroundings this moment.
But, a thought is continually buzzing in my idea for a while now which I might as well acknowledge right away.
NEWS FLASH: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE KIND TO THE PEOPLE WHO ABUSE YOU MENTALLY/PHYSICALLY /EMOTIONALLY/SEXUALLY. ABUSE IS WRONG. BY BEING WITH AN ABUSER YOU ARE SIMPLY ENABLING THEM.
It took me 6 years to realize that the person I was so hopelessly in love with was abusing my emotions without any regret and I was blinded by my affection and passion towards him to leave. You know why that happened? It happened because I thought I was being the kinder person in the relationship. I believed I must be the one to raise above the hate and forgive his mean remarks. Guess what though? Life doesn’t generally work that way. You can’t go on forgiving someone and taking them back as an act of kindness. It will only destroy you. Yes, it is harsh, but honest.
You need to wake up from your dream and see the people in your life for who they actually are and what are they bringing into your life. If all they’re managing to squeeze through you are more tears than smile, more heartache than love, more anxiety than peace, then you simply need to cut them off from your life, unapologetically. You are not a bad person if you worry about yourself. I believe that’s the most important part one has to realize.
You’re not going to be true to yourself if you choose to be kind to the people who are continually bringing out the worst in you. This is the hardest yet most valuable lesson I’ve come to learn lately.
I advocate all the empathetic, kind and generous people employ boundaries in life to a certain degree to keep your well being in check. I really hate to say this, but it is sometimes the people we thought who could never do us a bad thing are actually the ones doing worse to us. Hence, keep your emotional boundaries in check. Do not allow anybody to exploit your kindness by manipulating you. One has to learn to be kind in a smart way.