You need to learn to be kind in a smart fashion. 

​ 

Once I was beautiful. Now, I am myself.

Hello all, 


I believe it is about time I write about the things I’ve learnt/am still learning that are proving to be more and more valuable after each passing day. Here’s one of the many lessons –


The foremost question you need to ask yourself is whether you are truly happy in your relationship/friendship or are you just compromising & pretending to be so only cause you are afraid to lose that tether in your life? 

 

I can speak with experience that, sometimes we simply remain in abusive relationships (both romantic & platonic) because we are TOO afraid to let go. This reason might sound like a cliché or an overused statement,  but it is the bottom line truth. We put up with the shit that people throw our way because we are raised to be kind to everyone – despite of their erratic behaviour towards us. There is nothing wrong with being kind, in fact, it is one of the important virtue we as a generation need to preserve as hatred is so prominent in our surroundings this moment. 

But, a thought is continually buzzing in my idea for a while now which I might as well acknowledge right away. 

NEWS FLASH: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE KIND TO THE PEOPLE WHO ABUSE YOU MENTALLY/PHYSICALLY /EMOTIONALLY/SEXUALLY.  ABUSE IS WRONG. BY BEING WITH AN ABUSER YOU ARE SIMPLY ENABLING THEM.


It took me 6 years to realize that the person I was so hopelessly in love with was abusing my emotions without any regret and I was blinded by my affection and passion towards him to leave. You know why that happened?  It happened because I thought I was being the kinder person in the relationship. I believed I must be the one to raise above the hate and forgive his mean remarks. Guess what though? Life doesn’t generally work that way. You can’t go on forgiving someone and taking them back as an act of  kindness. It will only destroy you. Yes, it is  harsh, but honest. 

You need to wake up from your dream and see the people in your life for who they actually are and what are they bringing into your life. If all they’re managing to squeeze through you are more tears than smile, more heartache than love,  more anxiety than peace, then you simply need to cut them off from your life, unapologetically. You are not a bad person if you worry about yourself. I believe that’s the most important part one has to realize.

You’re not going to be true to yourself if you choose to be kind to the people who are continually bringing out the worst in you.  This is the hardest yet  most valuable lesson I’ve come to learn lately. 

I advocate all the empathetic, kind and generous people employ boundaries in life to a certain degree to keep your well being in check. I really hate to say this, but it is sometimes the people we thought who could never do us a bad thing are actually the ones doing worse to us. Hence, keep your emotional boundaries in check. Do not allow anybody to exploit your kindness by manipulating you. One has to learn to be  kind in a  smart way.

Until you happened 

​I didn’t know that the pain of this intensity even existed, until you happened 
I didn’t know that sometimes a simple act sleeping peacefully could be such a task, until you happened 
I didn’t know that sometimes, I was more afraid of myself than anyone else, until you happened 
I didn’t know that sometimes all the easy things would be a chore that is until you happened 
You reduced your best friend/confidant/supporter to mere acts of pleasure 
Left without with providing a closure 
Can you sleep knowing you just murdered someone emotionally? 
You used your words to cut me precisely and oh so brutally 
Just remember guilt is a slow poison 
When it will come to you, there isn’t nothing beautiful about that sensation 
At least I’m broken and can be fixed
What about you? 
All you’ll ever be is a living dead

Overcoming obsessive thoughts and moving on


I woke up in the morning and honestly I wasn’t feeling so great. 😡 Then I immediately switched to YouTube and saw a couple of videos over there about how to overcome a nagging feeling you have at the back of your mind about someone you’ve lost – in terms of relationship or death. 


What I’ve learnt from watching different videos and summed up is that when we lose someone we also lose the connection, attachment, warmth and love we’ve associated with that person. So, after that loss occurs our brain enters into a loop where we have these constant thoughts/obsession with respect to that person. It is like our brain is repeatedly making us realise about our loss. We become hyper aware of everything that’s happening to that person. Forming our own theories about their life and dwelling on it. Although it is exhausting, it is quite a natural response to a loss and it is a form of trauma called as intrusion – where we feel like we are constantly preoccupied by the thoughts of that person. It is natural and can be overcome. From today, I am going to try and beat those obsessive thoughts and I’ll explain how – 

  • When you wake up in the morning the thoughts are more persistent and the loss seems more greater.Allow yourself to take some time and recognize that it is a part of how you feel. As the day escalates, you’ll start getting more perspective and don’t feel as incredibly sad.
  • Everytime you feel like making assumptions about that person and their emotions, just ask yourself – is what I’m assuming  100% right? Afterall they’re just assumptions. 
  • Everytime you have a thought about that person try to think about something else! Silly even, I know it is extremely hard to NOT THINK ABOUT THEM but you gotta break the pattern over and over again.
  • You will feel longing for that person and start thinking about all those good memories you had together etc and desire to reconnect. DON’T. JUST DON’T. Because no matter how good the relationship /friendship was if you are at this phase in your life because of it then it wasn’t the right relationship for both of you. 
  • Don’t go back to someone who once broke you. Your illusion will trick you into believing that they might not be so bad afterall. But, it is an illusion. You don’t have to back to someone who didn’t see your value or respected you.
  • There might be strong urges to check up on them and their life, through online stalking or scooping information from friends. Don’t. That’s not good for you, and during healing your primary intention is to do things that are good for you. Take the right decisions not the appealing ones.
  • Whoever they end up with, do not compare yourself to them because that’s just super, super unfair because duh!  You have certain qualities that others can never have! 
  • I also read somewhere that to overcome pain you need to find something thats bigger than you. To me, I’ll take to writing. I’ll write about my journey and my experiences through this phase and share it with the world. Discuss it and overcome it one day at a time.


These are couple of my techniques Im gonna try and help myself with. Do you have more?  How had you dealt with having obsessive thoughts regarding someone / situation?  Please feel free to comment or write me on mail – anaida39@gmail.com
Thank you! 

Equipped with patience and faith


In my pain, I have become more perspective of the life I am living. Until quite a few days ago, my life was in a rhythm. I used to wake up and do things I was doing for a long time – basically just dancing to the distortion. I felt that the life I was living was okay if not great.  Suddenly, after the break up, my life did a 180 and all my previous patterns of doing things, feeling things changed or I needed to change them in order to accommodate the place for a new me.
Earlier, my life was predictable and I was comfortable living it. Somehow, even the older pain was within my comfort zone. Now, it feels as though that I’ve been ripped from my comfort zone – my old thoughts, my old lifestyle, my old habits and my old self. I’m not going to lie here, it is difficult. Really difficult. To change patterns and habits of the past. To let go of a relationship – even though it was a painful one because I was accustomed to its familiarity. I knew what I could expect from him, it was mostly hurt but, still it was solid. 

But, is solid always good?  No, it is not. 

Do you think that just because you’re doing something from a really, really long time it becomes good?  It does not. 

I’m beginning to realize that patterns that have been formed from a long, long time need to be broken, no matter how painful it gets (ask me!)

In order to grow, you must break free from the familiar.Tread new waters. Experiment.Break old cycles. Say bye bye to things that no longer serve you. I think, this is the only way how you get to grow in life.

There will always be people who will support you through this phase. Your family is not going to abandon you. Your mom is your biggest cheerleader and with her by your side you’ll take over the world. I honestly don’t know if I could have dealt with this massive heartbreak without the support from my mom. One day, I’ll thank her by showing her how strong her daughter is. I won’t let her down.

Now, I am only fortified with patience and faith that, someday, somehow I’ll be a better me. 

It is a journey. I hope to reach my destination smiling, one day.

Stop eating those lies they feed you! 

The best people in life are free.

If you pause and observe a little, then you can see how many different sets of opinions people have framed about you over time. It is almost baffling how contradicting those opinions can be. Some may think that you’re such a crazy and cold hearted bitch while others may view you as a meek mouse who can’t do a thing on your own! How insane is that, anyway? Perhaps it is because we leave  different impressions on different people when we meet them which leads them to make an opinion of us which is natural. 
In a world where so many people are trying to tell you who you are and what abilities you possess and each of the opinion being polar opposite to the other, tell me which one are you going to use to define yourself?  The one your friend told you in the party other day or the one your family members kept telling while you were busy taking that penultimate selfie at your cousin’s wedding?! 
Suddenly you sense yourself to be discombobulated and overwhelmed by all these definitions people have made about you and then begins the identity crisis – WHO THE HELL I’M I? 

The answer is: You’re everything who is capable of doing anything. 

That my friend is the only truth you need to know while they attempt to feed your system with shit. Definitions are limiting and hence are the labels. Who says you can’t do anything you’ve put your mind to?  Which force in the universe is stronger than your determination?  There’s no such force which can trump the determination and dedication of a soul.  
So please stop letting them have a say in who you are, as it is most definitely not their job or their place, it is YOURS. Please stop accepting everything they throw your way so easily – it is not a fact, just another perception that is all. You are a part of this vast universe with infinite possibilities to be whoever you want to be at whatever point of your life. Recognize that power within you and let no one trick you into believing that you can’t do something. 

A promise to myself 

Wisdom arrived late, at least better than never

I understood that I cannot control a few things, one way or another 



The only evidence of my past is my memories of it



Some of the painful ones are etched in mind down to every bit



But, I’m the master of my mind 



I’ll choose my memories wisely, not from the same old grind 



This time the choice will be mine 



And, with myself, I resolve to be kind