Until you happenedย 

โ€‹I didn’t know that the pain of this intensity even existed, until you happened 
I didn’t know that sometimes a simple act sleeping peacefully could be such a task, until you happened 
I didn’t know that sometimes, I was more afraid of myself than anyone else, until you happened 
I didn’t know that sometimes all the easy things would be a chore that is until you happened 
You reduced your best friend/confidant/supporter to mere acts of pleasure 
Left without with providing a closure 
Can you sleep knowing you just murdered someone emotionally? 
You used your words to cut me precisely and oh so brutally 
Just remember guilt is a slow poison 
When it will come to you, there isn’t nothing beautiful about that sensation 
At least I’m broken and can be fixed
What about you? 
All you’ll ever be is a living dead

Overcoming obsessive thoughts and moving on


I woke up in the morning and honestly I wasn’t feeling so great. ๐Ÿ˜ก Then I immediately switched to YouTube and saw a couple of videos over there about how to overcome a nagging feeling you have at the back of your mind about someone you’ve lost – in terms of relationship or death. 


What I’ve learnt from watching different videos and summed up is that when we lose someone we also lose the connection, attachment, warmth and love we’ve associated with that person. So, after that loss occurs our brain enters into a loop where we have these constant thoughts/obsession with respect to that person. It is like our brain is repeatedly making us realise about our loss. We become hyper aware of everything that’s happening to that person. Forming our own theories about their life and dwelling on it. Although it is exhausting, it is quite a natural response to a loss and it is a form of trauma called as intrusion – where we feel like we are constantly preoccupied by the thoughts of that person. It is natural and can be overcome. From today, I am going to try and beat those obsessive thoughts and I’ll explain how – 

  • When you wake up in the morning the thoughts are more persistent and the loss seems more greater.Allow yourself to take some time and recognize that it is a part of how you feel. As the day escalates, you’ll start getting more perspective and don’t feel as incredibly sad.
  • Everytime you feel like making assumptions about that person and their emotions, just ask yourself – is what I’m assuming  100% right? Afterall they’re just assumptions. 
  • Everytime you have a thought about that person try to think about something else! Silly even, I know it is extremely hard to NOT THINK ABOUT THEM but you gotta break the pattern over and over again.
  • You will feel longing for that person and start thinking about all those good memories you had together etc and desire to reconnect. DON’T. JUST DON’T. Because no matter how good the relationship /friendship was if you are at this phase in your life because of it then it wasn’t the right relationship for both of you. 
  • Don’t go back to someone who once broke you. Your illusion will trick you into believing that they might not be so bad afterall. But, it is an illusion. You don’t have to back to someone who didn’t see your value or respected you.
  • There might be strong urges to check up on them and their life, through online stalking or scooping information from friends. Don’t. That’s not good for you, and during healing your primary intention is to do things that are good for you. Take the right decisions not the appealing ones.
  • Whoever they end up with, do not compare yourself to them because that’s just super, super unfair because duh!  You have certain qualities that others can never have! 
  • I also read somewhere that to overcome pain you need to find something thats bigger than you. To me, I’ll take to writing. I’ll write about my journey and my experiences through this phase and share it with the world. Discuss it and overcome it one day at a time.


These are couple of my techniques Im gonna try and help myself with. Do you have more?  How had you dealt with having obsessive thoughts regarding someone / situation?  Please feel free to comment or write me on mail – anaida39@gmail.com
Thank you! 

โ€ข Stay away from them โ€ข

โ€‹


Do you observe the way in which they masterfully pin the blame on you, even if they’re the ones who have sinned under the broad daylight? Stay away from them. 


Do you want to know if cowardice is the most dominant component in their blood? Observe them in the moment of truth. Honesty usually sets their blood on fire. So, when you confront them for the truth, but only find ashes on their departure. Stay away from them.


And, I am not yet qualified enough to speak about the ungrateful people yet. It’s beyond my understanding. Like, how can they function – breathe, knowing that they’ve sucked another person’s magic to make up for the lacking of their own. When they take a refuge under your roof when in despair, but are surprisingly nonchalant to drill holes in the same roof that once saved them from the storm. Just stay away from them. 



Are we evolved ?

I lost my young auntie yesterday. It made me realize how fragile and unpredictable life is. We are only puppets at the hands of destiny. We can’t stop a person from going no matter how hard we try and no matter how much the medicine field advances. I feel so powerless and helpless. Attachments always hurt so much. 

The road is tough, why can’t we all be nice to each other?  Everyone – every single person born on the face of the earth suffers. How much more evolution do we need to understand that kindness is as important as breathing?  We hurt each other even though we know how much it tears a person apart. We plot revenge, lovers cheat and parents abandon their children,  war kills families, mental health problems are frighteningly increasing and yet we are here still doing all those things. 

Is this kind of civilization worth anything? Until we understand that we all need to stick for each other despite religion, race and financial conditions all the knowledge in the world would be worthless. 

| Let us pledge to be more empathetic as a community. Let us pledge to put our education to some good use. Let us unite in our struggle. Let our suffering bind us till death. Finally, let us help another and be helped in return. We don’t need pity. We need empathy |

On pain, life and nature.

โ€‹

Pain – a single four letter word with a profound significance. Pain comes in all shapes, sizes and…in terms of people, I guess mostly people. Because everything else is recoverable, but the moments in terms of life or lifespan in terms of moments that you’ve spent with an another individual is irrevocable. Does the hurt transform into strength? Newton presented a theory that energy is never lost, but only transforms itself from one form to another. The world accepts this legal philosophy of physics; is it applicable to emotions as well? 

One thing that is concrete in my mind is that pain, hurt and failure is unavoidable no matter how much you try to dodge them. Can you avoid the stars at night or the sky? They’re travelling to be always there as long as you breathe and beyond. You’ve accepted it and that no longer terrifies you. You’re not going to be terrified when the sun shines with greater intensity on some days or if it pours like cats and dogs! You’ve taken the fact that sun and the rain are part of life and the universe. You experience that on some days it’s going to rain harder and on others you’re going to sweat profusely. It’s fairly common knowledge. Likewise, there will be days on which life will be sunnier and there’ll be days where your life will get dark and cloudy. How to bear with this transition is a question but the answer is simple – Accept it.

Similarly, begin to look at life through the glasses with which you observe nature. They’re both co-aligned and will help you understand the life you live better. 

When you interpret the workings of nature and living, you’re bound to find many similarities in both of them. Nature and life are both sacred, important and interconnected since time immemorial. 

Exactly like how earth heals itself after a thunderous storm you will too. You will always, believe in this.

 

Bruised soul

โ€‹


You hurt me till all the pain penetrated into my bones, drilling a hole in my soul leaving me tattered and bruised from the inside. 
The pain clawed at me in broad daylight where I had no choice but to blot out my tears behind all the petty excuses I made for the  moisture in my eyes. 

 Tell me,would the universe call me heartless If I just want to come off this emotionally wrecked train and never see you again.