You need to learn to be kind in a smart fashion. 

​ 

Once I was beautiful. Now, I am myself.

Hello all, 


I believe it is about time I write about the things I’ve learnt/am still learning that are proving to be more and more valuable after each passing day. Here’s one of the many lessons –


The foremost question you need to ask yourself is whether you are truly happy in your relationship/friendship or are you just compromising & pretending to be so only cause you are afraid to lose that tether in your life? 

 

I can speak with experience that, sometimes we simply remain in abusive relationships (both romantic & platonic) because we are TOO afraid to let go. This reason might sound like a cliché or an overused statement,  but it is the bottom line truth. We put up with the shit that people throw our way because we are raised to be kind to everyone – despite of their erratic behaviour towards us. There is nothing wrong with being kind, in fact, it is one of the important virtue we as a generation need to preserve as hatred is so prominent in our surroundings this moment. 

But, a thought is continually buzzing in my idea for a while now which I might as well acknowledge right away. 

NEWS FLASH: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE KIND TO THE PEOPLE WHO ABUSE YOU MENTALLY/PHYSICALLY /EMOTIONALLY/SEXUALLY.  ABUSE IS WRONG. BY BEING WITH AN ABUSER YOU ARE SIMPLY ENABLING THEM.


It took me 6 years to realize that the person I was so hopelessly in love with was abusing my emotions without any regret and I was blinded by my affection and passion towards him to leave. You know why that happened?  It happened because I thought I was being the kinder person in the relationship. I believed I must be the one to raise above the hate and forgive his mean remarks. Guess what though? Life doesn’t generally work that way. You can’t go on forgiving someone and taking them back as an act of  kindness. It will only destroy you. Yes, it is  harsh, but honest. 

You need to wake up from your dream and see the people in your life for who they actually are and what are they bringing into your life. If all they’re managing to squeeze through you are more tears than smile, more heartache than love,  more anxiety than peace, then you simply need to cut them off from your life, unapologetically. You are not a bad person if you worry about yourself. I believe that’s the most important part one has to realize.

You’re not going to be true to yourself if you choose to be kind to the people who are continually bringing out the worst in you.  This is the hardest yet  most valuable lesson I’ve come to learn lately. 

I advocate all the empathetic, kind and generous people employ boundaries in life to a certain degree to keep your well being in check. I really hate to say this, but it is sometimes the people we thought who could never do us a bad thing are actually the ones doing worse to us. Hence, keep your emotional boundaries in check. Do not allow anybody to exploit your kindness by manipulating you. One has to learn to be  kind in a  smart way.

Until you happened 

​I didn’t know that the pain of this intensity even existed, until you happened 
I didn’t know that sometimes a simple act sleeping peacefully could be such a task, until you happened 
I didn’t know that sometimes, I was more afraid of myself than anyone else, until you happened 
I didn’t know that sometimes all the easy things would be a chore that is until you happened 
You reduced your best friend/confidant/supporter to mere acts of pleasure 
Left without with providing a closure 
Can you sleep knowing you just murdered someone emotionally? 
You used your words to cut me precisely and oh so brutally 
Just remember guilt is a slow poison 
When it will come to you, there isn’t nothing beautiful about that sensation 
At least I’m broken and can be fixed
What about you? 
All you’ll ever be is a living dead

Overcoming obsessive thoughts and moving on


I woke up in the morning and honestly I wasn’t feeling so great. 😡 Then I immediately switched to YouTube and saw a couple of videos over there about how to overcome a nagging feeling you have at the back of your mind about someone you’ve lost – in terms of relationship or death. 


What I’ve learnt from watching different videos and summed up is that when we lose someone we also lose the connection, attachment, warmth and love we’ve associated with that person. So, after that loss occurs our brain enters into a loop where we have these constant thoughts/obsession with respect to that person. It is like our brain is repeatedly making us realise about our loss. We become hyper aware of everything that’s happening to that person. Forming our own theories about their life and dwelling on it. Although it is exhausting, it is quite a natural response to a loss and it is a form of trauma called as intrusion – where we feel like we are constantly preoccupied by the thoughts of that person. It is natural and can be overcome. From today, I am going to try and beat those obsessive thoughts and I’ll explain how – 

  • When you wake up in the morning the thoughts are more persistent and the loss seems more greater.Allow yourself to take some time and recognize that it is a part of how you feel. As the day escalates, you’ll start getting more perspective and don’t feel as incredibly sad.
  • Everytime you feel like making assumptions about that person and their emotions, just ask yourself – is what I’m assuming  100% right? Afterall they’re just assumptions. 
  • Everytime you have a thought about that person try to think about something else! Silly even, I know it is extremely hard to NOT THINK ABOUT THEM but you gotta break the pattern over and over again.
  • You will feel longing for that person and start thinking about all those good memories you had together etc and desire to reconnect. DON’T. JUST DON’T. Because no matter how good the relationship /friendship was if you are at this phase in your life because of it then it wasn’t the right relationship for both of you. 
  • Don’t go back to someone who once broke you. Your illusion will trick you into believing that they might not be so bad afterall. But, it is an illusion. You don’t have to back to someone who didn’t see your value or respected you.
  • There might be strong urges to check up on them and their life, through online stalking or scooping information from friends. Don’t. That’s not good for you, and during healing your primary intention is to do things that are good for you. Take the right decisions not the appealing ones.
  • Whoever they end up with, do not compare yourself to them because that’s just super, super unfair because duh!  You have certain qualities that others can never have! 
  • I also read somewhere that to overcome pain you need to find something thats bigger than you. To me, I’ll take to writing. I’ll write about my journey and my experiences through this phase and share it with the world. Discuss it and overcome it one day at a time.


These are couple of my techniques Im gonna try and help myself with. Do you have more?  How had you dealt with having obsessive thoughts regarding someone / situation?  Please feel free to comment or write me on mail – anaida39@gmail.com
Thank you! 

Cold things can burn too.

She’s hopelessly in love with him. Oh no. She’s in love with the ‘idea’ of him. A fantasy of him. A thin wall of ice stands between her imaginary form of him and the real him. It seems like that particular thin wall of ice – gleaming like an exquisite glass artwork, is easy to break. But, whenever she tries to demolish the wall in order to seek what’s beyond, the ice burns her fingertips. Surely, the property of ice is not to cause blisters, right? 
Then, why my friend is that in life sometimes the ‘cold hearts’ usually set a person’s hand on fire who attempts to contact it?
Cold things instill burns with a different kind of fervour. The kind with which even the sun cannot compete.

To the self-appointed moral police

Image result for unapologetic woman

Beforehand writing this piece I want to say that I’m miffed and infuriated how our society works. I distinguish that I’m a part of this society too and to some extent, I’m the problem too .From this moment on I want to change in what way my natural thinking works and be a little more conscious towards the judgments I pass on people unknowingly/grudgingly/due to being jealous.  When we pass judgments we are completely unaware of the effect we have on the being we target, we are being self-centred in doing so and it is not fair to anyone. It is a natural urge to criticize yet we cannot handle the criticisms which are intended to us and that’s why it is unfair to let someone go through what we cannot bear.  Recently I had my real close friend (a guy) Text me that he saw a few people on the road looking at me while he was just passing to go somewhere, I was inquisitive and requested him what did he intend on telling me -he told me that whenever people look at me or talk to me it is scarcely ever because I’m smart or good-looking but because I have a “voluminous” body! THE NERVE OF HIM! I asked him what actually made him draw such assumptions in the first place, for which he voiced me that I have “bigger assets” compared to other girls and that is what makes other people absorbed “to look at me” and that is the reason men “admire and give me attention”  . Oh my goodness, how sick can this fellow get? Being a “good friend” doesn’t he think how telling me those things could just make my confidence hit a ground zero? He went on to suggest how I must change the way I dress in a more “conservative way” where I “hide” my ample assets. HUH. JUST TO BE MORE FITTING IT SEEMS!!! That night, I instantly summon up all the interactions I have had with men and couldn’t help myself but think, what if he is correct. I spent the whole evening thinking about how people perceive me and my body and if my assets were the only interesting aspect about me. It made me incredibly sad, made me question my worth. That was thoroughly horrifying. The next day I woke up and realised a lot of things. First thing, he was not a good friend. Second, what others supposed or didn’t think of me was none of my business. Third, I didn’t have to fucking change the manner I dressed.  When it comes to women I see a lot of men become self-appointed moral police trying to “protect” us by setting rules, telling us a dude’s perception on how they are waiting to devour our body at any minute. Seriously to all these kind of men who think they are only protecting women, we do have our womanly instincts to sense danger and keep away from it. Y’all do not have to instruct us on changing our lifestyle so that we can be more suitable. If whatever you should edify other men about how they possibly treat womankind.  To the overall women out there just be yourself-dress as you like, eat what makes you happy, have opinions even though others might not stay  in agreement with you, go out with your friends, take pictures. As long as you are not putting yourself in potential danger, live your life on your own terms even if people try to tell you otherwise!

You’re FLAWSOME.


Do you know you are beautiful without anyone affirming it to you? Do you know you’re smart without anyone putting a stamp on the fact? Do you know you’re as worthy and as lovable as you’re friend? 

If anything, you should know that you’re worth more than random  opinions people make about you without knowing you. You’re worth more than what your grades say,cliché but truth.

You should also know that you don’t have to change your fashion sense or the choice in your music just to be more likeable.  If you’re someone who doesn’t like what everyone’s loving then that’s okay too. You don’t need to breathe a different air just to be accepted or to fit in. Don’t you think we have too much of msinstream already? Aren’t we just getting tired of this all ? People pretending to be enjoying but they’re the same who feel shallow at night due to their choices but are too afraid to make a change since they’re afraid of not fitting in. Please don’t turn out to be one of them

 The most important thing is don’t force your mind to love and  respect anything with which your beliefs don’t agree with or when your ideologies and morale values are at question.  We all come to a spot in life where our morals will be challanged but that’s the exact time where you need to hold your ground.

Say no ,if you must. Say no to people who are out to take that un noticed  disadvantage from you. Always listen to your instincts,not everyone who laughs with you is a friend! 

At the same time don’t stay rigid, be flexible with your thoughts and opinions.  Be open so that people can talk freely with you without hesitating about getting a judgement.  Listen to everyone’s story and try to be as less judgemental as possible. I know the desire is tempting to just put a label on them,throw them in jar and be done with it. But would you be  happy if others did the same to you? 

Would you be happy if people just judged you based on one quality you posess , put a label on you and treat you accordingly?  Ofcourse you wouldn’t. 

Why let others endure the things which we cannot? Is it fair?  It’s not. 

Also please don’t put your worth and happiness in someone else’s hands that would be too cruel for your soul. No one is careful enough to handle your fragile heart honey,everyone’s heart,happiness and emotions are fragile according to me. They are not only fragile but the fundamental elements of our soul and why should we vest others with the power of handling the very essence of our soul?


Be in charge of your own well being. Take care of your mental health because if there’s no inner peace then life turns out to be chaotic.

My mother always says to me –

Nobody’s indispensable.  I think she is right 😊